Hi Bobbie my name is Gerry and I go to Tautoro School. I really enjoyed reading your story. I liked the way you described where you went and who with. To improve on your story I think that instead of listing your events, retell the story and use more descriptive language. Also you can improve by adding your favourite part and how you felt. From Gerry
Hi Bobbie-jo. My name is Jackie. I really really like your writing it was so much detail on what you told me I just wanted to say that when I read through your work it was starting to get interesting once I finished felt glad to read another one. My question is can you try to write another wonderful story?
Hi Bobbie my name is Gerry and I go to Tautoro School. I really enjoyed reading your story. I liked the way you described where you went and who with. To improve on your story I think that instead of listing your events, retell the story and use more descriptive language. Also you can improve by adding your favourite part and how you felt.
ReplyDeleteFrom Gerry
Thank's room 3 for commenting on my blog and Gazery.
ReplyDeleteHi Bobbie-jo. My name is Jackie. I really really like your writing it was so much detail on what you told me I just wanted to say that when I read through your work it was starting to get interesting once I finished felt glad to read another one. My question is can you try to write another wonderful story?
ReplyDeleteHi my name Ryan for OIS you must be pretty lucky to go to Australia.
ReplyDeleteHi I'm jarod from oamaru intermediate. How did you drive to Australia there's water between us? Haha
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